my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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