Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize