His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
