my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
