he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
