my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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