also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
