Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
