You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
