so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We're too hungover to prance.
is it fun? or sober?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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