I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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