wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
one might say we're banned from that church
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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