Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
