Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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