so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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