Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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