She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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