I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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