he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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