Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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