I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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