nut hugger
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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