I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How drunk are you?
Completed.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
