Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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