Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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