He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
