It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
