There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
