i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize