Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There's a naked man in my car right now.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
