You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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