let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
