This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Randomize
