new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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