wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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