i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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