Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
