Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
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