the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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