well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
