Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
