Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
