Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
