Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
