So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
