My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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