apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My cat gives me a boner
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
