everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
