He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
