he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
