when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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