And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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