so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize