I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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