and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
