My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
