Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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