Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
