Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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