I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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