Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
