My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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