My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
