Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
