In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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