you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
