Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
