I think my fart just growled at me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
